This is a summarized version of an article you'll find in our RELOCATION section here: Moving to South America With Kids. It was written by your GoSouthExpat.com webmaster who is herself a former expat kid and now the mother of one.

Moving, aside from being a physically monumental task, is usually accompanied by a fairly complex mix of stress, apprehension, excitement, impatience, sadness or loss, and others. For adults this is compounded by the fact that we are responsible for the 5 Ps of Moving: planning, preparing, packing, paying for it and parting ways.

In our hectic rush to finalize all the details, are we forgetting to prepare our kids?

Most of us as responsible expat parents do discuss our moves with our children. But are we giving them sufficient mental preparation and providing enough detail - really? Because we are personally involved in every detail of the move, we may forget that they are seeing things in a completely different way and experiencing very different emotions.

In some kids anxiety and fear, loss and sadness can be very strong. Even expat kids who have moved several times can (based on their previous experiences):

a) feel apprehensive about making new friends: (why am I always the one who has to make the effort)

b) worry about being the new kid at school: (I'm the new kid again what if they hate me, what if I can't find my way around, what if I don't know the rules and break them, what if I can't speak the language, what if I don't like the food, what if they don't offer my favorite sport, etc.)

c) lose sleep over going to an unknown place: (mom and dad have seen it or photos of it, talked to people there, been informed - what about me)

d) feel tremendous loss: (I was just getting to know my friends/family, more goodbyes, I liked our house, I can't leave my girlfriend, I'll miss my favorite TV shows, I'll hate the food)

e) resist new relationships: (what for, we'll just move again soon)

f) worry about being able to communicate their needs: (I'll never learn the language, no one will understand me, what if I need help/get lost/get hungry/need the restroom, what if I don't make friends)

g) worry about their safety: (Older kids and teens may be especially apprehensive if they watch the news. Often news from South America deals with strikes, protests, poverty or violence. Younger kids may be afraid of other things - such as flying or new foods or being separated from familiar objects).

In addition, what may seem unimportant or trivial to an adult may be of profound importance to a kid. What do kids miss most?

Friends/family, Pets, Girlfriend/boyfriend, Favorite TV shows, Favorite hangouts, Teachers (believe it or not), Sports team, Activities such as extracurricular activities, playdates, concerts, shopping, clothing trends, toys, books, games.

As adults we may not place as much value on these things but for kids this is their entire social environ and their sole occupation.



What to do?

Prepare your kids for transition by more fully involving them in every aspect of your move.

Discuss WHY you are moving, why you considered this the best choice for your family at this time. Be clear THE DECISION TO MOVE is yours alone to make as parents and providers and a time will come when they will be able to decide for themselves where they choose to live. Kids need to understand their parents make decisions based on what they truly believe is best for the family. They also need to be clear that as you are responsible for your family you are authorized to decide this for all involved. HOWEVER, involve them in making decisions about OTHER aspects of the move.

Involve them actively in researching the country you will move to. Find photos, histories, online communities. Involve their friends in this. (Their friends can be your biggest allies or your greatest obstacle to your child's understanding and accepting your decision.)

Give them the chance to ask all the questions they may have about it. Answer these in all honesty. Don't fib, fudge or fake it. Ever. If you don't know an answer involve them in finding out the answer. Let them see it's important to you to find out. Don't promise anything you don't absolutely know you'll be able to provide. Don't lose their trust. Trusting you will provide them a sense of security. If they trust your decisions they will feel less apprehensive. Your honesty is their security.

Prepare them for possible language barriers by getting language tutors or lessons if necessary.

Involve them in deciding what they will take or leave behind. Allow them some decision-making.

Ask them what they'll miss most. Research if those things are available in your new country. Take them with you if possible. Being surrounded by familiar things will comfort them in their new home (this includes favorite foods, toys, books, clothing, games, blankets, and anything else that provides them a sense of security).

If there are things you must leave behind, talk about saying goodbye to them on several occasions, plan how or when to say goodbye, progressively distance them mentally from the object (or pet or person) over a period of time.

Get in touch with possible schools and teachers and involve them in communicating with them prior to your move. If possible, try to establish a pen pal (or chat or MySpace) relationship with one or more kids at their new school prior to moving. This is one of the most important aspects for your kids and, given the technology of our times, one of the easiest to accomplish if you are able to choose a school prior to moving.

Help them make a concrete plan for how they will communicate with their friends and family back home. Assure them you'll help them make that possible. Research phone calling, long distance rates, mail delivery times, internet connections before you go. Discuss a budget. Involve their friends in this. (Their friends can be your biggest allies or your greatest obstacle to your child's understanding and accepting your decision.)

Discuss how you will participate in helping them make new friends and/or adjust to their new school. (You may be surprised to find some kids would rather mom or dad NOT enter with them or hold their hand or kiss them goodbye on their first day).

Try to help create a sense of excitement about their new home. Find out about fun and entertaining or unique things and places your new country will have. Use verbs, adjectives and adverbs that are positive, make a plan for visiting or finding them once you've settled in (keep your promises when you do).

Help them feel safe by discussing possible situations you'll encounter in your host country in real terms, especially with older kids and teens. Let them know your family has a concrete plan for staying away from potentially volatile situations, discuss the reasons behind them (such as protests, etc.), let them help research so they'll understand them.

Discuss, plan and practice what you would do in specific emergency situations. Let them know what your decision would be if your host country becomes to hostile to live in (have you even thought of this?) Sudden repatriation results in one of the greatest senses of confusion and loss of purpose and direction among both children and adults.

Talk about potential early returns if you think this is a possibility (if the country you will be living in is experiencing instability) with older kids talk about what an emergency is or what an evacuation is and what you would do if your family ever had to go through that. Kids do have the potential to understand this.

Tell your kids exactly how long you will be in your host country (if you know) and when you'll be returning home.

Research extracurricular activities your kids might participate in in your host country (sports, dance, theater, horseback riding, volunteering, etc.) Do this prior to moving. Discuss their options with them. This can give them something to look forward to.

Let them spend time with the people they will be leaving behind. Do this while preparing them mentally for departure. Participate in talking about your move with their friends. Their friends may be feeling apprehension and sadness too. If you can answer some of their questions as well, they may willingly be helpful in preparing your kids (or at least not work against you) prior to departure.

Most importantly, involve them often in discussions about how they are adapting to the IDEA of moving. Spend time with them and encourage them to ask questions. The more you can answer prior to your move, the less insecure they will feel when they arrive.

Listen to them. Read the full 3-page article on Moving to South America With Kids here.